I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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