Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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