sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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