i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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