she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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