my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
