I bet he comes in French.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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