my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
