btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
