but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
