Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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