Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
