i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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