New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
