Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
