Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
