I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
