Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
