So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
