ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
