Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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