Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize