While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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