I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mom said you looked used
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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