Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
