happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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