At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
