You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
