Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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