Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
