Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
