Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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