I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
