Banned from zoo.
Again?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
