He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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