oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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