I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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