I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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