i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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