Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
