oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
