Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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