Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
