I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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