he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
