More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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