uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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