She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
