The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
