you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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