My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
