Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
