I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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