those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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