chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
