i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
