He kissed a someone with a penis
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
