: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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