Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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