Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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