dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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