i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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