They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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