You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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