wanna go halves on a baby?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
