Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
