i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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