before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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