So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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