This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
