I think I won the penis lottery.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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