Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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