I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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