Someone shit on the floor
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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