I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
