Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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