At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
God, I missed his penis.
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