so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
