We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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