No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
