My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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