I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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