these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
