Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
