Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize