You can't special order awesome
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Randomize
