I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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