i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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