Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
