Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want her autograph on my taint
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
