You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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