I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
